California 2006

The last days in the OC

Well, here we are, time is running out on our Californian holiday. It's been fantastic, and this will be my last blog entry before the flight back to the UK tomorrow.

The margaritas of last night took their toll, so our morning started slowly. But the weather was fabulous, and after a breakfast of cheesecake leftovers we headed out for a picturesque walk to a waterfall. The road to the trail was classified "suitable for most vehicles", and as most vehicles in the US are monster trucks I suppose this was true. Unfortunately we had to abandon Jim and Gen's small SUV (bigger than any car you can buy in Britain) before the water filled potholes became waist deep, and take our life in our hands as we dodged mad drivers testing off-road vehicles that drive up freeways and to malls 6 days out of 7.

The walk was lovely, in hot sunshine, but we gave up when we got to the second river crossing and couldn't be bothered to take our shoes and socks off again. The great outdoors is fine as long as it doesn't get too uncomfortable. So an hour later we were sat in an exclusive coffee shop by sea, eating cookies.

Hannah and I then wandered down to San Clemente beach for an evening stroll. We came back via the supermarket for a final stock up on junk food, and enjoyed a dinner of even more leftovers from yesterday's dinner and a discussion about politics. It ended in agreement over the futility of it all. That sounds like a good sentiment to take back to work on Tuesday morning.

Orange County isn't all irrigated deserts. Here's some water not stolen from the Mexicans

Hannah assesses her options at our first river crossing

James, in Californian hiking gear

The eventual solution to the river dilemma (just before a monster truck stormed through and soaked Gen)

James follows...

Defeated at the second river crossing

Down on San Clemente beach

The pier

Looking back at San Clemente

The Pacific ocean. It's big

Ahhhh...idyllic beach view

Arty shot of palm trees. I'm quite pleased with that!

Today's cute furry creature: Gen, rarely seen outside of her normal shop habitat. Note the designer distressed jeans and handbag, useful as a pouch to carry provisions

And that's it! It's back to rainy Newcastle tomorrow, via Paris where we have one-and-a-half hours to make it across the airport from one terminal to the other. So thanks to Jim and Gen for being such wonderful hosts, and an especial thank you to my assistant, navigator and photographic model Hannah.

And to my international readership (of three?):

Home on the strange

Southern California did not disappoint in its strangeness! After a somewhat broken night of sleep in a motel in Yuma, Arizona, (the next door room was full of students on "spring break") we found ourselves at the official centre of the world. It's in a place called Felicity which has a population of four, two being the mayor and his wife. They've constructed a stone pyramid to mark the spot, are slowly building huge rows of granite slabs on which the entire history of civilisation is being etched, and are also putting together a church on a hill behind all this. Oh, and they have a section of stairs from the Eiffle Tower.

But the lady who ran it (the mayor's wife) was lovely, and showed us around even though it was meant to be shut for the off season. We watched a DVD on the place, and left with certificates proving we had been there. We can now re-visit for free for the rest of our lives (not bad for $2).

We drove west from there, through huge rolling sand dunes and then across green fields, irrigated by Colorado river water. Finally we reached the mountains, on top of which sits the Jacumba desert tower. It was built in the 40's to allow people to view the surrounding landscape, and across the road the huge boulders that cover the hills around there are carved and painted into strange shapes. The place houses its own museum, with displays ranging from stuffed animals to historic linen bags for carrying water.

Driving west again, stopping only for a Subway sandwich, the land went up and down until we took a detour north through rolling hills that wouldn't have been out of place in England. It was all very rural, with farmhouses seilling their own produce out of their back doors and horses everywhere. An hour later we were back to the ocean's edge, following the Pacific northwards. The week's total mileage was 1,094. That was enough!

What better way to celebrate our return to San Clemente than a trip out with Jim and Gen to "The Cheesecake Factory"? I ignored warnings to skip the starter, and none of us could finish half of our main courses. So we ordered pudding, got it all boxed up, and left with six doggie bags worth of food. That's all the meals for the rest of the weekend sorted. I still feel a bit ill from all the eating...or maybe that's the three margaritas we each enjoyed during the evening.

Down by the border. They have various checkpoints along the American highways too, but if you're white they wave you through with no questions...

We were getting excited by this momentous occasion

Here it is, the pyramid at the centre of the world. You get to go inside too!

Here's Hannah, being congratulated for standing at the official centre (she's facing true north, of course)

And here we are, proudly displaying our certificates

These are the long granite prisms. You can see their church under construction in the background

This has all been hand etched onto polished granite!

Oh yes, and here are the Eiffel Tower steps, because the pyramid and the granite slabs recording the entirity of human history aren't enough for a town with a population of four

Jacumba desert tower

The amazing view from the top

Hannah pets some of the local wildlife

This display was something about Native Americans...

One of the carved boulders, opposite the tower

Hannah in one of the wind-eroded "caves"

David on top of the world

James enjoying a light snack and a mango margarita

Cute critter of the day: a desert squirrel that enjoyed sharing our lunchtime sandwiches

Enough weirdness. I need to get home to nice, normal Britain.

Thieves everywhere

Our Grand Canyon tour was cancelled! The aircraft couldn't land because of fog. After an hour wandering around the airport terminal, avoiding buying fake Indian trinkets, we were back at the Golden Nugget.

So we decided to go to a timeshare selling presentation. This was the one sold to us yesterday as we walked into the hotel, with endless promises of free show tickets or gambling vouchers. It sounded fun, so at noon we were on an air conditioned coach with a dozen other suckers and taken off the the remotest outskirts of Las Vegas.

We were assigned Orsche as our personal representative for the day. She was from Hungary, and had met her husband in a dry cleaners. This we found out during the "look, I'm really a normal person and want to be your friend" stage of the sales pitch. And would you believe that we'll spend over $100,000 dollars on holidays during our lifetime whereas if we bought a timeshare in Vegas the increase in real estate value alone would be between 3 and 12% a year! Wow.

After two hours of this, and a look around the apartments, it was time to talk money. The price for the one week timeshare started at $33k. As we'd come to the presentation, she could offer it to us for $30k. We still weren't sure. She thanked us, and got a manager just to finish off the presentation (good cop/bad cop style). Who would have thought it - he authorised her to sell it to us for $25k plus two free weeks a year! Hmmm...we weren't convinced. But as we were obviously intelligent people he exclusively allowed us an opportunity that normally is only available to employees of the company. That brought the deal down to $10k. We explained that we just weren't at the right place in our lives to take advantage of this yet, and were thanked and ushered to the "corporate" area where they wanted our feedback on the presentation. There, would you believe it, the big corporate man was able to slash the last offer in half to a meagre $5k!!

So we signed up. No, of course we didn't, but left clutching vouchers for $100 of gambling. Thinking we'd have to devise a system to launder this through the roulette tables, Hannah took the vouchers to the "24 Karat Club" (of which she is now a valued member) and they handed her an $100 bill! She asked for them to split it into $20s, and grinned all the way back to the room. So she's celebrating our Las Vegas "winnings", but it's the hardest 3 hours I've ever had to work to earn $100.

The closest I got to the Grand Canyon

The Stratosphere

New York New York - they're building New London for 2010

The gateway to timeshare hell

Our air conditioned courtesy bus. It cost $500,000! Allegedly.

What a happy place to receive the hard sell. They did free sandwiches, though.

Who wouldn't want to live in a place like this?

Hannah remains unconvinced the the face of extreme salesmanship

Somebody's happy with their "winnings"

Our celebratory drink

My 24-hour Internet access runs out at 10pm here, but if you're lucky there may be another entry. If not, we're off to see the big casinos on the Strip tonight, via the world's largest gift shop!

 

High desert

Today was a day of driving through deserts. Just as you became impressed by how massive one endless plain of sand and scrub was, another even larger one came along.

The day started the same as last week, with a trip to Albertsons to stock up on junk. This time Twinkies were purchased, with 50c off thanks to Gen's incredible coupon collection. We then headed up the windy mountain route 79, before hitting the Interstate and bidding LA's smog-covered valley goodbye. The land got less irrigated and grass gave way to sand.

We stopped for lunch at "In 'N' Out" burger. This is the fast food joint that McDonalds wishes it was. All the fries are made on the premises from REAL potatoes!

We then broke the journey at Calico Ghost Town. The guides describe it as "unsympathetically restored", which is being kind. The place was an old mining town, you have to pay $6 for the privilege of going in, and it turns out to be little more than a themed shopping mall with every other wooden shack housing a tacky tourist shop. The best bit was the "ATM Inside" sign carved in wood.

After that we turned off the main road and drove straight into the Mojave Desert. I've never been anywhere so quiet! There's a lot of flat barren ground, and then plateaus of black volcanic rock (complete with the bubbles left in when it cooled). There are meant to be wild tortoises that live there, but we weren't lucky enough to see any.

We drove from the edge of nowhere to the absolute middle of nowhere, which is a place called Shoshone. It's a genuine one-street town, but it does have a swimming pool fed by a natural hot spring that rises here. The motel has only four channels on TV and no wireless Internet access! I've grown accustomed to Orange County living standards...

That's a Double Double on the bottom right...

Could I be any more Wild West?

Authentic historical reconstruction at Calico Ghost Town

More of the same...

Hannah down the mine

Driving into the barren Mojave reserve

All cars look small in the desert

Clicheed desert road shot

The world's tallest thermometer in Baker, CA

Hannah enjoying a night time swim in Shoshone's natural hot pool

Today's cute furry critter: desert chipmunk thing

I'm now enjoying cream soda and a Twinkie as a bedtime snack. Tomorrow brings Death Valley, Vegas, and the Elvis-a-Rama

A typical Sunday

It was a day of two halves. I was abandoned by the others when they dropped me off at Saddleback Church for the 11.15am service. It's a "megachurch", with a congregation of 22,000. There were only about 1,200 people at the service I attended, which was one of four going on at 11.15am, which is one of six times they have services on the weekend. And it was slick! Cinema screens, multiple TV cameras, multimedia preaching...it wasn't as nutty as many services I've been to but they know what they're doing. I was offered a CD of the service I'd just attended as I walked out the door.

The others worshipped the god of consumerism (the god of America?) in the local malls, and we headed to Ruby's Diner for lunch before...more shopping.

Feeling vaguely guilty, and wanting to work off the breakfast of donuts Gen picked up for us, we went for a walk around Talega (where Jim and Gen live) this afternoon. The whole place would be desert if it wasn't for the water shipped in via aquaducts. As it is, there are automatic sprinklers every few feet to keep the green stuff green. We wandered up the hills behind the development, but failed to see any coyote or mountain lions. I may have to go on a solitary treck tonight to see what I can find out there. If this is my last entry, I've had a fun time.

A quiet service at the Saddleback megachurch

Slick production values. This is the praise leader in full swing

The church complex is massive. They beam the service to various locations throughout, including the coffee shop. Double espresso and God to go?

Off on our walk, after convincing Gen that we didn't need to drive to the start of the trail

It's wild country out here, once you get off the manicured estate

Steep hill climb, in terrain reminiscent of North Wales (if you close your eyes)

Hannah surveys the scenery

So does James

At the top of the mountain

More triumphant poses

A hummingbird! Unfortunately they move too fast

David with replacement hire car

The famous tame ducks of San Clemente

Neither James or Gen could be convinced to chuck a sickie and come on a road trip with us, so we're off to Death Valley on our own tomorrow. Then, Vegas!

Pancakes and malls

It's the weekend, so what can we do but eat and shop? So we loaded up on pancakes before heading to several different malls. My obesity target was helped by the endless refills of whipped butter and the half-pint of syrup. Mmmm.

After a lunch of smoothies Hannah and Gen disappeared into shoe shops while Jim and I moved between the Sony and Apple stores. We finished the day with a Mexican meal and six Margaritas.

Oh yes

Gen's omelette was larger than her, and came with a side order of pancakes...

Hannah went for a small helping of blueberry pancakes

This was my breakfast

James and me, rehearsing for our retirement

Hannah enjoying a liquid lunch at the small mall that was attached to the massive mall

The long drive south

Boooorrrring day of driving today. We left San Francisco at 9am and made great progress south, but then hit Los Angeles. We sat on the so-called Interstate 5 for two-and-a-half hours before appearing on the south side of the city and making it back to San Clemente. But the smog was orange today, which apparently isn't that common.

The guide books are very scathing about driving through central California, as you have the sea, the mountains and then a huge, flat, agricultural plain. But the variety of crops is amazing, mostly trees with oranges, almonds, pistachios etc. and a few vines for figs and grapes. The entire area would be desert, if it wasn't for all the water brought over in aquaducts from the Colorado river. The whole rural economy is based on immigrant workers, so your choices on the radio are Spanish or Christian rock. We listened to the Spanish stuff.

Anyway, a weekend of eating and shopping awaits, punctuated by Sunday morning at a megachurch (congregation: 22,000). Hallelujah, brother!

Endless farmland, although we did see a crop duster (not chasing anyone)

The view outside Bakersfield

Our healthy lunch stop - all the major food groups

Newly set up nodding donkeys in the middle of farmland

Jim and Gen's fab house in San Clemente

Minnie, their cat. I had no other photos of cute fluffy animals for today.

Redwoods, Wine and Llamas

It wasn't raining quite as hard this morning. So we stuffed our faces with the complementary pastries in the hotel. Again. And then caught a cooking-oil fuelled bus for our wine tour. It was run by a lady called Catherine, who didn't stop talking from 9.15am until she dropped us back at the hotel at 7pm.

We started at Muir Woods, a redwood forest where they filmed the Ewok scenes from Return of the Jedi! I was so excited. Then we were taken to a really nice bistro for lunch where our nutty guide made us order our food then run across the road for 15 minutes at a cheese factory before going back to eat.

The vineyards were all nice, but the wine was disappointing and expensive. Visiting vineyards is an industry in itself, with huge crowds turning up on buses and every place having its own food/T-shirt/fridge magnet line. If only they spent as much effort on the wine...

The Golden Gate bridge

A slice of a giant redwood, where they filmed Vertigo

Hannah pretending to be an Ewok

It's worse than its bite. Hahahahahaaaaa...

Sonoma Jack cheese, a poor relation to the mighty Somerset Cheddar

Hannah and lots of cheese

At the vineyards

About enough wine

Wine tasting, but you had to pay $5 for the priviledge! We didn't.

The winery's llama, called Dolly.

Hannah, David, the Golden Gate bridge

David and the tour guide, when she stopped talking for three seconds

Then it started raining again. So we went out to a Mexican restaurant where we had roasted cactus and I had a cactus juice cocktail. San Francisco is just the best! We're driving back to San Clemente tomorrow, so I'll take lots of pictures of road signs.

A day with the fish

We said goodbye to the hippies at the Avila Beach Inn and kept driving up the Pacific Coast Highway. What they don't tell you in the guide books is that huge boulders fall off the mountains and block the road. What they also don't tell you is that it NEVER stops raining in California.

So we spent most of the day in the aquarium at Monterey, then had dinner at a fantastic place called the Black Bear Diner. It kept my obesity target on track.

Full on hippy living at the Avila Beach Inn

The sunny California coast

Slight blockage on the Pacific Coast Highway

Hannah surveys the Pacific Ocean during a rare break in the rain

The Monterey Aquarium

Anchovies - I'll never look at a pizza the same way again

Jellyfish

Feeding time in the kelp forest

An ugly fish, dressed in pink

Penguins!

Up the PCH

We started driving up the Pacific Coast Highway today, after buying all the junk food we could find at our local Wal-Mart.

Hannah and the Pacific Ocean

David and the smallest hire car they had available

The world-famous Andersen split pea soup restaurant in Buellton. What do you mean you've never heard of it?

A bowl of the stuff

David at the beginning of his all-you-can-eat pea soup and milkshake special

Hannah the split pea soup chef

Solvang, southern California's own Danish village. Just like the real thing! Only not.

A genuine Danish shop! We had hours of amusment asking if they sold bacon.

Another renowned American landmark.

It's an ostrich

But these are emus...

Tonight we're staying in the Inn at Avila Beach. It's a fab place, run by hippies, with complimentary popcorn in the rooms. Wow.

The Grand Tour of LA

Well, we touched down at LAX at 10pm, sat on the runway until 11pm, spent an hour-and-a-half queueing for immigration and arrived at the hotel at 1am. The fire alarm went off at 2am, and kept going off until 3.15am. We were up at 7am, ready for our LA tour at 8am!

After some fantastic English bashing from the Australian and US ladies in our pick-up bus ("Australia was really just a prison for the English to send the Irish to...") and in-depth discussion of the immigration debate from the bus driver ("but if you took away the border controls to Mexico all the criminals would get in") we got underway.

Day 1 - LA tour!

 

Shopping on Rodeo Drive - just like Pretty Woman, but cheaper.

 

LA in the smog

As close as we got to the Hollywood sign...

David and the Hollywood sign

The Hollywood Walk of Fame (like in the movies!)

More than he deserves...